What is confidence? Confidence is personal freedom. You know my motto! Move often, eat simply and live freely. And living freely is living with a strong belief in your self and your abilities, that no matter what life throws at you, you will come out on top.
I think what we are all really dying for, is for someone simply to give us permission that we are enough. That our body is enough, that our careers are enough, that we are a good enough parent, a good enough friend or family member. That we are living a good enough life. And if you need that permission to validate you are doing ok I am giving it to you. You are ok.
Why, why, why,why & why?
When it comes to your body or life, ask yourself why the thing you are most dissatisfied with makes you feel so bad?
What about your body or who you are makes you feel bad? Answer out loud and then again ask yourself why? ANd then ask it an additional 3 times to really get to the root of where this is coming from.
Why does it make me feel bad that my jeans do not fit?
Because it makes me feel bad that I am not in good shape?
Why? Because when I am in good shape I feel more confident?
Why? Because I sometimes feel like being in better shape is all I have going for me.
Why? Because I am not confident as a parent/friend/in my job, etc and when I rely on the way my body looks I feel like I have a higher self worth and others will love me more.
Why? Because deep down I just want to be loved and I don’t love myself.
You see that? One why would have not gotten to the core.
So how do you feel comfortable in your own skin?
Focus on you. Stop comparing. It does not matter what others are doing. It matters what you are doing. I see women of all body shapes, of all levels of monetary success, of all career levels who are confident and those who are not. Confidence is not dependent on our circumstances, it is dependent on how we choose to view ourselves. There will always be someone prettier, leaner, smarter, or more successful so comparing to that one person or group of people is like trying to hit a moving target. It will always be moving. And if you keep shooting and missing, you will not only never be confident, you will never really be able to grasp true joy and gratitude.
Make decisions. Even small ones! Doubt keeps us frozen. It keeps us in a state, unable to move forward or back. The quickest way to build confidence is decide what you want to do and be who you want to be and do it. Start small if you need to. Make decisions about where you want to eat, what you want to wear, what movie you want to watch and go confidently in that direction. Once you do this over and over it will translate to the bigger picture in life.
Have compassion for yourself.We think that the harder we are on ourselves, the better. Somehow it seems like a copout to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and show sense of compassion along the way. We should be prettier, in better shape, have better hair, a more stylish home, a different car, a different job. But c’mon, you are doing the best you can in your given circumstances. And self criticism is actually LESS of a motivator than self love. Give it a shot.
Don’t rely on others to validate your worthiness. Sure it is great to have someone tell you you are pretty or compliment your outfit, but don’t rely on it to feel good about yourself. Feel good because of you, not because of someone else. When we can adopt this mindset it turns out wonderfully because it does not matter what any one else says or does not say, you just show up to the world as you as and are ok.
OWN your body own the story your body has. Your body has an amazing story. A story unlike anyone else. Own it. If you can learn to detach your thoughts about the lies you have created about your body you can create a new story. Our body is only what we perceive it be. Strong, healthy, unhealthy, weak? If you find your story is a sad, negative and lonely one, it will lead to a sad negative and lonely life. BUT if you view your body as happy, positive and abundant, guess where that will lead you.
Enough apologizing and explaining already. DO you find yourself constantly apologizing or explaining who you are. Perhaps even deflecting compliments. Someone comments you look great and you say respond with how lame you are that you have not been to the gym in weeks. Your body and mind hear that! That you are lame! And unless you want to live a lame life, stop saying that! Stop apologizing an start owning!
Stop surveying others to find the answer you want to hear. Hello number one problem I personally have. When I am stuck in paralysis from making decisions, I start asking everyone around me what they think I should do. Like I need validation or someone to tell me it is ok. Should I spend money on this? Should I take this trip? Is this good enough. My current practice is surveying myself and myself only. Until I am trying to make one of my moms recipes then I call her for help!
Match your body and mind. Sometimes there is a disconnect between how you feel and how you look. You might feel super confident and then look at your body and it does not match your emotion or you might feel like you look damn good but your soul is crying for worthiness. Remember you do not need anyone to make you happy. You need you.
It is not wrong to care what other people think, I mean we all do. We don’t like to admit it but we do. But try not to let it affect you. If your feathers are ruffled by something someone says or does take a honest look at why that affects you so deeply. Chances are it has to do more with you then them.
In the meantime work on this completely crazy concept of meeting your body with unconditional love and self acceptance while working towards where you want to be along the way.