What my biggest failure in life taught me

I have always been my own worst critic. I am much harder on myself than I am on anyone else around me and I judge myself in ways that I would never judge other people. I have always tried to live my life doing the “right” thing because subconsciously, I have now realized, I thought that if I did everything right, everything would workout the way I wanted.

The cold hard truth is that is just not how life operates and though we try so hard to desperately control the outcomes, we can only control our actions, our thoughts and our behaviors. And this is scary and empowering all at the same time because it gives us the control to make decisions without ultimately knowing how things will turn out.


The thing with failures is that they are a part of life and the term failing is often dictated by the people around us. Failures are viewed as negative only when we or others determine them to be that way. Each of us have bouts of unsuccess every single day or week, and some of us have huge events that are viewed with disapproving eyes as failure.  I have had the great learning experience of divorce before many of my friends have gotten married.

And while I at first viewed this as a HUGE failure, I now, with fresh eyes can view this as a tremendous period of learning and growth. I can read criticism written on other peoples faces without them even saying a word. And I reply my defenses in my head. I know marriage is suppose to be forever. I know you are suppose to make it work through the struggles and the challenges. I know it is not something to be taken lightly.

*BUT* I also know that you cannot go against your what your heart and soul truly believes it needs and wants in life.  Relationships are flipping hard and require tons of effort, dedication, and comprise but I do not believe the connection should be forced. You either work to fix it or find a new way.  I have learned so much about ME and how I am my ultimate enemy in relationships. I do not believe I would have gained the insights I have or be where I am today without all the challenges and struggles that preceded.

Over the past couple years I have practiced forgiving myself for my life not turning out exactly as predicted or as it “should.” I have allowed myself to follow my heart into the unknown while learning about myself and relationships along the way and realizing that I am the biggest barrier to my own happiness and joy.

Let someone love you as flawed as you feel you are. We are all immune to perfection. Don’t let your flaws become an excuse in relationships.

It is not others job to make you happy, it is your job to make you happy.  The more you rely on other people for happiness the more you will be disappointed.

People will do what they are going to do. You will not be able to change them, unless they want to change themselves. Trying to get someone to change can lead to resentment unless they are open to the change.

You are the secret to your own happiness. You can control your attitude on how you view situations, 100%.  It is okay to be sad, angry, and frustrated but ultimately you decide how much it controls you.

Everyone struggles with something. You and I probably share the same struggles on some level. If not, you share them with someone else.

Getting mad, angry and irrational towards someone else, is a direct reflection of how you view yourself. The next time you get so upset about something, think about why you are feeling that way. It probably has to do with more of your own insecurities and suffering than the actual situation. 

Shit happens, figure it out. Enough said.

Change is inevitable. Instead of fighting change, go with it. Change is one thing you can count on.

Trusting yourself is the ultimate form of self love. No matter the outcome, if you trust your self, you know you will be ok.

Perfectionism is a disguise for shame.  We try to be perfect to cover our insecurities, flaws and things we are self conscious about. 

The more out of control we feel the more we try to control things. The more we try to manipulate others and the events that take place each and every day is a direction reflection of how out of control we feel. 

The more we hold on to resentment, anger, shame, and regret the more we give ourselves permission to stay exactly where we are, take less responsibility and not give ourselves an opportunity to change. You either stay where you are or figure out a way to change it.

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