How We Self Sabotage Our Own Happiness


1. We Make Assumptions

Most of our unhappiness stems from inner conversations we make up in our head. We assume someone is thinking a certain way, we assume by actions, we assume implications by the what people say, how they say it or how they act.  We then are misunderstood or misunderstand the situation. We think partners, friends and family know what we want even when we do not say what we want. That is not the case.

When we move away from assumptions, we are able to see things the way they are, because we are more informed.  When we do not know, we need to ask. When we WANT to know, we need to ask. In the book Loving What Is by Byron Katie she has you ask yourself “What would you be without these thoughts?” Now ask yourself what would you be without these assumptions. Without assuming that someone is mad at you, without assuming someone doesn’t love you, without assuming the worst. The best way to overcome this is to have the courage to ask. It sounds easy but if it was we would do it more often. Be brave.

2. We Play The IF, THEN game

We want more money, we want more free time, we want a different body, we want to be more confident and we want it NOW.  The trouble with the process of wanting is the emotion we associate with the desired goal. We fall victim to the “If, then” mindset. IF I lose weight, THEN I will be happy. IF I have more money, THEN I will be happy.  IF my life were more settled, THEN I will be happy. The IF, THEN mind game simply states that we are not good enough where we are right now.

But can you imagine how you would feel if you accepted yourself right now in this very moment. Again I am asking you to ask yourself what you would be without those thoughts. I will ask for you.

Without the thought…

I need more money.  Could you just be happy with the love of friends and family, while working to better your career?

Without the thought…

I need a different body. Could you just be happy with the body you have, while striving to improve?

Without the thought…

I need to be more settled. Could you just find and appreciate the positives in your life on its journey?

Ask yourself…What would you be without that thought.

3. We Forget To Practice Gratitude

The key word here is practice. We all know what we are grateful for and I am sure we all appreciate food in our homes, roofs over our heads and jobs that provide income. But often times we  tend to associate happiness and joy with our circumstances outside of these basic needs. We also think gratitude is a place of achievement when actually it is a process that we must implement and remind oursleves day in, day out. We are not going to reach a place and say “I am finally grateful and I do not have to work at it anymore.”

Well how do we practice gratitude you might ask?  Share it! Let people know you are grateful for them. When you have thoughts of I am not enough, change it to I am enough. Quit chasing this amazing expectation of happiness and joy in your head and don’t miss out on all the little day to day things that fill your heart. Instead of looking at your huge house, look at your daughter sleeping soundly. Instead of looking at your best physical feature, look at your beating heart and beautiful spirit.  Instead of waiting to be happy until that dream vacation be happy with that day you sat outside soaking up the sun.

Change takes time but give the following a try: do not make assumptions, play the I am good enough right now game and practice gratitude. If you can begin to implement one or more of these things, slowly but surely your mindset will change. 🙂

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