I have come along way in my mindset journey but comparison is something I practice on a daily basis. Some days I don’t let it get to me and other days I let it bring me down.
But I keep practicing because deep down I know that another person’s success, whether deemed as a better body, more money, a promotion, a nice outfit, a better house, does not indicate my failure or lacking.
This is really tough when we have access to everyones highlight real on social media. We see peoples best out of 20 selfie, their Pinterest like meals, and when we are home bored on a Saturday night we see their exotic Caribbean vacation and someone feel bad about ourselves.
Do you ever see the bathing suit model when she’s bloated, someones meal when it looks like a pile of mud or a the stack of bills that they have to pay on a Friday night. Rarely.
And really it is a game we play in our heads isn’t it? We go about our days minding our own business and then we get to that moment where envy, lack, and failure takes over. We win in our heads when we do something well, we lose when we see someone doing something “better” than us.
Here are 4 things to keep in mind when you feel comparison taking you down.
Remember, comparison is an ego game.
This is something I don’t like to admit because I like to think I do not have a big ego. But when I compare, I do. You know why? Because when we compare we are either deeming ourselves better or less than someone else.
If I lift more weight in the gym than someone else do I really want to consider myself better than them? No. If I make less money than the person next to me do I want to consider myself less than them? No. If I have my shit together all the time does it mean I am superior to someone else? No.
But some people do. To each is own, however having those feels of superiority will leave you feeling inferior when you come across someone who does it better. And while I am proud of my hard work in life, the superior, inferior game does not feel good. In fact, in robs my joy, happiness and feeling good about myself and my life.
Be aware of what is real.
Victoria’s Secret models, fitness models and images that grace the covers of fashion magazines. They are not accurate depictions of how people look everyday. They probably trained for months to get that look, that they will maintain for a day or two. Models do not sustain that look for an extended period of time. As for the women who DO have that body shape in real life, when we see them in magazines we are still seeing an altered image. They are airbrushed, touched up, glamorized, with the perfect angles and lighting, and somehow have created an image in our heads of what is ideal in society.
Be realistic about your goals and what you are comparing yourself too. Keep in mind that you are often your worst judge and ask yourself if you would criticize other people’s bodies and lives the way you criticize your own.
Use comparison as inspiration.
If you see someone who you constantly envy could you turn that into inspiration? This is tough because comparison is usually associated with jealously and envy which are not good or helpful feelings. But if you learn to acknowledge those feeling and turn them into reasons to motivate and better yourself you can learn to keep your eyes on your own paper and “do you” really well.
Because everyone has their own strengths and you will NEVER be better than anyone in everything, though it is amusing when I see people behave that way. By turning the focus back on yourself it actual gives you this incredible amount of power to do something about where you feel like you might be lacking.
When you spend your time trying to seek validation or approval from others by trying to be better than the next, you waste your energy and resources on your own self. Get clear on what you want and find ways to find meaning and purpose in life and spend less time on letting others define your worth.
Learn to be content but not satisfied.
While an end goal can be fulfilling, it is not responsible for complete joy and happiness, and the process of actually getting there is where we thrive, through the struggle and all! Just like losing weight, getting promoted, getting into a relationship, reaching a goal is not a guarantee for our satisfaction. We get it so mixed up sometimes that “if” I achieve a certain goal, “then” I will be happy.
It is the if/then conundrum. Start to learn how to enjoy the journey. I recently posted on Instagram, that I love being a work in progress. I think as humans we get consumed by goals but deep down we really love the journey. Because once that goal is hit we automatically seek more. So if you are going to be constantly seeking out improvement (which is fine) learn how to be content along the journey even if you are not completely satisfied. You don’t have to be miserable on your way to success.
In the end being sex, interesting, and admired is not just about the physical being or what they own, but about the person you portray, the ideas you have, and the person you are. Have you ever been mesmerized by a person in general by the way they carry themselves, the way they act, or the knowledge they speak. I have!
You were meant to be real, not perfect. You were meant to be you not someone else. You have gifts to share that no one else has. So instead of trying to be a clone of someone else, be more human, be more real, be more you.